sign-msI have discovered over time while on this journey with pain that I have become my own storyteller.

As I have a unique story regarding my issues with pain and so do you. Telling your story allows you the ability to start healing.

Below are just some tidbits of my story. I would have to write a book to fit everything in, so I am going to share what I feel are the most important parts of my journey and how each path affected the next part of my life. Along the way I found that I went through so many different stages, anger, denial, depression, guilt and acceptance/hope.

My journey began with anger. Why did this happen to me?  I was so angry. I was the mother of three young children under the ages of 8 years old. How was I going to be a good mother to my children?  I lost who I once was and did not recognize the person I had become.  That made me even angrier.  I wanted my life back, I wanted the person that I knew in my heart I was, I wanted her to come back but I did not know how to bring her back.

From there I visited denial; no way was this pain going to stop me from taking care of my family. I refused to accept the pain and plugged away the best way I could, refusing to stop and acknowledge the pain until it would become so over-whelming that I could not ignore it any longer. I was causing myself more harm but I didn’t know it at the time.

While trying to ignore the pain and be the mother to my children that I wanted to be, I quickly came to know depression. I was hurting, taking over the counter medications that were not touching the pain while trying to be supermom. It wasn’t working. I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into feeling so very sad. I was depressed.

This new path was fraught with guilt and it was incredible. I worried and felt so guilty about how living with this pain was going to affect my family. How were they going to see me now? Did they think I was a weak or lazy person—unable or unwilling to do the things that the other mothers were doing?  How could I expect my children to understand what was happening to me when I could not understand it myself? My body was failing me and I was failing all who I dearly loved.

Finally, I met my new best friend. The road to acceptance came along. We I chose this route I felt like the clouds had opened up and let the sun shine so brightly that I needed sunglasses. What a huge relief it was to find myself in a place where I was once again living my life on my terms. I met “me” again.  A new, wise me and someone I could embrace. Yes, sometimes, as you journey through pain, you become lucky and discover a better, happier and stronger you.  I know that is when I started to move forward in my life again. I found hope because I had found the help that I needed to not just live with the pain but to live with the pain with some normalcy in my life. This also gave my family the much needed normalcy back in their lives that they craved.

How did this happen? I was blessed and found a healthcare provider who I could talk to—I mean really talk and be listened to. He worked with me and showed that he understood that I was no longer looking for a miracle. I just needed to have my pain controlled to the point where I could feel human again. What a wonderful moment in my life and that of my family’s. We became whole.  “Mom” was back. I was able to smile, giggle and laugh again. I had come full circle and it was time to live life again!

If I can do it, so can you.

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