Is the ebb and flow of daily life with pain wearing on your close relationships? Did you ever feel like you and your loved one are drifting apart because of the pain? Does it feel like the ongoing presence of pain has caused a deep crevice in the surface of your relationship similar to how an earthquake can crack the surface of the ground?
Here are some clues, you might recognize:
- You don’t talk to each other like you once did
- You don’t sit beside each other and cuddle like you once did
- You find that there isn’t time for each other as there once was
- You feel that you are being pulled in different directions.
It is perplexing. You may find that you and your loved one can still finish each other’s sentences and still sense what each other is thinking before a word is said. You may have the same outlook on life and share the same dreams you always had. Yet something is amiss. Let me give you a hint: Pain has become the intruder; it stands in the middle trying to keep you apart.
Pain can take over the mind, body and soul of a person and caused them to be engulfed with how to cope. Pain can become their constant companion. It may seem like pain has taken your place. Pain demands and they must listen and act in order to avoid the risk permitting pain to take complete control of them. Pain can become an untamed monster.
This is how I see it; if pain is given an inch–it can drag the one you love into the depths of a hell. It is one thing that a caregiver/partner, can never truly understand. That place that pain can take them can be so dark that tomorrow cannot be seen, loved ones cannot be considered and dreams are forgotten. It is a darkness that threatens to take away the one you love, forever.
As a caregiver/partner, of course, you want them to fight the darkness. You want them to be in control of their pain and never allow pain to own them. You do not want them to lose their way– unable to find their way back to the ones they love and a life worth living. You want to continue to share your lives together–be able to talk again and repair any cracks in that most important relationship.
So I ask you, how do you do this knowing that pain is right there lurking and watching, listening to every word all the while making plans to stop both of you in your tracks? How do you prevent the intruder from becoming that untamed monster?
Do you whisper kind words…share a smile or a wink? Do you share humor and encourage lots and lots of laughter? Do you do whatever you need to do to keep the pain at bay and move on with your lives together? Or do you give up, walk away and let pain win?
As a caregiver/partner, it is a must to stand strong with your loved one. You may wavier from time to time from frustration, as I have, and that is ok. The important thing is get back up, stand strong and alongside that person with pain. Be the rock; be the strong foundation; allow yourself to be leaned upon.
You see, your loved one can draw strength from you, the caregiver and partner. You must stand strong when your loved one has lost all strength. Be fearless and hold on, stare straight into the depths of darkness and face that intruder, pain. Your presence and your determination will help the person with pain avoid slipping into the darkness. Your support is the beacon of bright sunshine that emits warmth and hope for the person with pain.
Doing this helps you to begin patching that deep crack in your relationship. Keep the connection strong and ready for the next time when pain, the intruder, tries to steal your loved one away. Show no fear!