December 3, 2018 at 1:47 am #418708
Hi, I am Alexis and new here. Been going through a flare up, and can’t seem to sleep much at the moment. I have been living with pain most my life; headaches, arthritis in my 20’s fibromyalgia, but it never got me down. I have always worked 50-80hrs work weeks till last year. I had a car accident in 2015 where a female drinking driver hit me leaving me with nerve damage while she had a sprained wrist. I finally left my job of almost 10 years cause the pain was getting to bad. I barely leave the house anymore. Depression hit this last month finally when the bad days really outweighed the good. Really having a hard time staying positive when I feel I have been jerked around by to many doctors that I quit seeing them. I had a failed spine stimulator, and the doctor made it seem like my last shot. Just feeling worthless since I think I am going to have to file disability, which is something I never wanted to do. Being a single mom growing up in foster care in my later teens I wanted to prove to my kids hard work gets you places, uou just got to push through. I pushed so hard I barely can leave my bed now. Now, I am a worthless mom and my daughter had taken over so much from me. I was finally diagnosed with crps/rds last spring and its spreading. I am a stuttering dip half the time the other half I hurt to bad to get and get goodnight hugs. I am breaking and hit rock bottom here. Just looking for hope I guess someone to talk to that understaands. I guess I wounder if I should send them to a relative to have someone read bedtime stories to my son every night since I cant always be there for him. If it wouldnt be better to my oldest still be the happy 14year old she should be, go out with friends, instead of help me. I just feel so lost right now.
December 9, 2018 at 3:33 pm #419107
I am sorry you going through all of this. I was the Mom to three girls all under the age of 7 years old when my pain started. It is so very hard to stay in a positive place for our children when we are dealing with unrelenting pain.
You are not a worthless Mom, your children need want and need you, that hasn’t changed. I know the depression from all of this can be overwhelming at times and that makes things even worse.
You need to reach out to others and talk to them. I am happy to talk with you here on the forums and one on one if you would like. Send an email to; firstname.lastname@example.org and we can exchange contact info.
Please do not give up, you still have so much to offer your children and they still need you and love you.
I do understand and want to help in anyway I can.
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