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This is my log entry for last Wednesday. It’s been a hard week but I’ve been here before. On the good side, I’m on the boat and the number of things that are no longer on Ms. Kitty’s list huge.
Wednesday 6-3-15 06:00
I’m hoping the pain of the last few days is letting up. Yesterday, looking through the hallucinations I recognized the pattern. It always amazes me how I can slide up the pain scale and not see it.
Sunday’s energy was not from a good day. It was because my pain had slid up to an 8. That’s the level where the fight or flight mode (it’s stuck in the “on” position constantly) makes one last try. The last of my adrenaline surges and I “run in circles”.
By Monday the level was at a high 8 though there was no energy left. The pain was not high enough to be a level 9 that’s where the hallucinations begin.
I reached a level 9 yesterday and flirted with level 10. The reality is there is no way to flirt with level 10. You’re either passing out or you’re not.
I’m pleased with my automatic response though. I stopped smoking knowing it wouldn’t help. I took a tablespoon of snake oil Monday and Tuesday. I used a little of my inhaler ( I’m out of Spiriva and almost out of my Proair) to increase the O2 levels in my blood and worked at releasing muscle tension. That made it easier for the muscle spasms to flow through me. As they did I could use their energy to draw the tension and toxins out of my system.
Later as things came under control, I took advantage of my digital resources using audio books and old movies as distractions, audio when I couldn’t sit up and video when I could. There were a few hours when I could read, as long as I kept it to the simple short stories. I’ve read some Louis L’Amor westerns. Last night I started “Treasure Island”. I have a complete collection of O’Henry I’ll get out next.
For now it’s time to rest and access the damage before I try and move forward. As I said at the top, I’m on the boat and it’s tied safely to the dock. There are people here willing to help when I need it. How bad can it be?
have a gentle day and take care of each other