BD,
I’ve enjoyed your updates from the dock and am sorry to learn that the dock drama sucked you in such that you are suffering for it. I think you are coping beautifully and adapting to the changes around you as well as within yourself.
Living for Right Now is the thing that so many proponents of meditation and CBT are extolling as the primary benefit of those activities. I’d say your are doing what you need to do. No shame, no guilt, no bad feelings should come into it.
Keep on finding the joy in the moment.
FF