It does make sense Noki. It would be very easy to sucked down into the depths of all that has been lost. There are several kinds of loss. One is the loss of things I can no longer accomplish. I need to acknowledge that a year ago I could have easily done the fiberglass repairs on my dinghy but this year it is beyond me. It is important to try and keep track of these changes so I can avoid wasted energy from a simple planning point of view. Neither good nor bad just the current state of the body.
There is the loss of friends and family though they sit and look over my shoulder as I type this.
There are more dramatic losses. Giving up my driver’s license and the mobility it provided was a big one. In one day I went from being a lifelong hermit to being dependent on others for everything. If I want a cup of coffee I need someone to dive me to the store to buy the grounds. Last year I also lost my house in N. Carolina. It was the place who’s vision kept me sane all the years I lived in the city. I wanted to stay there until they carried me out. That wasn’t to be.
The Important thing is if I’m honest in listing the losses I have to be equally honest in listing the gains. The first is a renewed appreciation of the magic in life. After selling my house I drove to Florida. After the first day of looking at boats I found the Lonoh. She is the perfect boat for me and I still get compliments on her. That led me to the boatyard where she was hauled. The yard led me to the marina where I live now. I had hoped to anchor out until if I were lucky I might find a community where I fit. Instead I found the community. Through our mutual interest in a band it turns out that my neighbors and I have been partying together since the mid 70’s.
I may have lost my dream home but look where I landed. On a great boat where I can still see the wildlife up close. The other day I watched as an eagle and an osprey battled it out in the sky over the bayou. I have Ms. Kitty to keep me going. Not only do I have a new community and family that makes sure I have what I need, I have a better understanding of my value to that community in return.
With the loss of the gardens comes the freedom from the woodpiles for the woodstove. I have TIME. For the first time that I can remember I truly have time to do absolutely nothing and the luxury to not feel guilty about it.
And you are right Noki when you say that finding those answers is a journey in itself. That’s why there have not been follow up posts. The questions are as hard as you want to make them. They are constantly shifting with time. That’s why I find it helpful to go back and ask the questions at regular intervals. A lot of what happens to us is a slow process and only by comparison with the past can we understand the trends. Understanding the trends gives us choices if we’re brave enough to make them.
No matter what the questions are or the answers might be, it is up to each of us to decide then go find or make the good each day.
for now
have a gentle day and take care of each other
bd
quack quack
