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I find that communication with my partner is key to heading off misunderstandings. I fight to overcome my tendency to go quiet when in pain AND when something is bothering me. A few years ago we scheduled a sit down meeting to come up with mutually agreeable “rules of engagement” around things that bug us. A big thing was that when I “hermitized” myself it was seen as anger and the dreaded quiet treatment. Now either one of us is able to use a keyword that suspends emotional judgement and inquire about the other’s mood or speak up about one’s own pain/emotion.