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Hi Ryan,

Living with pain and having a spouse or partner who gets over stressed when we talk about our pain is hard, it’s just plain hard, isn’t it?

We want to protect them however we also need to be able to express our true feelings.

May I ask why he wants you to express your pain in certain ways? I know for many spouses and partners they worry about us becoming too depressed or isolated. They want us to be optimistic however sometimes that is just plain hard to do when we are in the middle of a huge flare.

When one spouse or partner lives with pain it does affect the other one in so many ways. It is absolutely good to acknowledge that they are affected by the pain and how it has affected our lives together.
At the same time, they also need to acknowledge that the one who actually lives with the pain needs to be able to freely share the bad days as well as the good days.

I believe that sometimes they think they are truly helping us by trying to keep everything on the optimistic side however it isn’t helpful if it only helps them.

The stress that comes from a journey of pain is so abundant for all involved. Allowing all involved to admit it is stressful is helpful and normal and allows both to learn and understand how it affects each person.

I do understand you wanting to protect your husband and to take away some of the stress for him, that is what we do in a relationship, we protect those who we love.
However, what about you and your need to express exactly how you are feeling?

I hope that together we will be able to find you ways to help your husband and his stress of hearing you are having a bad day and also make it so you can express yourself more freely.

Physical intimacy in a relationship when one lives with pain and illness is hard. Once again it is just plain hard on both persons however the person who doesn’t live with the pain sometimes has a hard time understanding that the pain does affect it. It isn’t that the person who lives with pain doesn’t love the spouse or doesn’t want the intimacy, it is a constant battle with the pain.
I have spoken to my health care provider because sexual intimacy can be affected directly by pain levels or by the use of certain medications that are used to treat pain.

My best to you,
Take Care,

TPC Community Moderator

“The views or opinion(s) contained herein do not necessarily represent those of The Pain Community.”