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Welcome – I just joined today and was reading through the posts…
I know just where your husband is at – I was there not too long ago.
I was on pain meds for a couple of years for a back problem. I didn’t want to do anything because it caused pain. I wanted to be free of pain but even with the pain meds I couldn’t.
Then, almost 2 years ago I was involved in a horrific auto accident the result of which I am now diagnosed as an incomplete paraplegic. My pain level moved to an entire new level and I did even less.
One year after the accident, completely addicted to the pain medications (I took the addiction to places no one even wants to know!), I started wondering if the addiction was driving the pain so I quit the pain medications completely. I was in a living hell for 8 months. I couldn’t concentrate because of the pain and as a result could not work. I lost my business, my house, the dogs and my wife. I moved 2,000 miles away to stay with friends who could help me with some of the day to day things I could not do.
Long story short, I came to the realization that I would live with an incredible amount of pain for the rest of my life. It wasn’t going to get much better and waiting for it to do so was futile. I went back on the pain medication just a few weeks ago and my life changed overnight. The medications “took the edge off” so I was able to concentrate and am trying to rebuild my business. I’m taking steps to deal with the addiction part.
Most importantly, I changed my way of thinking. I no longer am waiting for the pain to get better – it won’t. I do things, even if they cause me pain because, well, that my lot in life. In short, I have accepted that pain is going to be part of my life and do my best not to let it interfere (as much as I can – I still spend a lot of time in bed or a recliner because of it). When I accepted that I was going to be in pain and that nothing was going to take that away, things changed. Mt entire attitude and outlook on life changed.
I can’t say how I did it – I don’t know. But I know that it changed my life!
Don’t get me wrong, I struggle every day with it. There are days I wake up and look forward to whatever the day brings, while there are other days I awake and wish the accident had taken me, but I still try to do everything I can do for that day.
My being here writing this is an example. I wouldn’t be here if my attitude hadn’t changed…

Good luck. My only advise is that he has to change and there is little you can do for that except be supportive as best you can…