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Puma-
I can relate – I was the caretaker for my wife for 8 years until I myself had a terrible auto accident and now am on the other side as well.
From my own experience, I tend not to harp too much on how I am doing. My wife is aware that I am in pain. On the other hand, when things get worse or I have a new symptom that is bothering me, I do talk about it with her. It’s important for her to know when things are worse, if for no other reason so she knows that my behavior change is due to a new issue or new level of pain and not something else 🙂
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Noki4-
Thanks for the welcome!I agree, I’m still relatively new to all of this, having had my accident about 3 months shy of 2 years now. It has been a struggle – I spent the first year not dealing with any of it – I was concentrating on recovery and angry at the pain I was in. Then at one year from the accident, I decided it was time to deal with things – I’m a strong believer in needing to deal (mentally and emotionally) with events. Well, it threw me for a tailspin and into a deep depression. I realized I was not where I had hoped to be, although I still amazed everyone else at how far I’d come. The fact that I can walk is a miracle but I still thought I could “beat this”. Ha!
Now I’ve come to accept it and move on. I’ll be dealing with it emotionally for the rest of my life but I’m coming out of what I call “survival mode” (from the depression) and can now takes bits and pieces of it to deal with and not get too overwhelmed.
I’ve never been a “poor me” type of person and still am not that way but I’m still mourning the things I cannot do.
By being back on the medications, I now realize just how much I needed them (not just the pain medications but the others many of us are familiar with – the Baclofin, Gabapentin and so forth). I can finally concentrate to work which was my biggest worry – I now know a lot of that is coming from the pain.
Anyway, I’m getting my life back on track – thanks again fro the welcome and to gosiatracz6, I hope things work out – It’s a crazy, mixed up world when something of this magnitude happens to someone. As much as I thought I was “holding it together” it turns out I was shutting everyone out and crawling into a hole without even realizing it (just ask my wife!)!
Take care… -
Welcome – I just joined today and was reading through the posts…
I know just where your husband is at – I was there not too long ago.
I was on pain meds for a couple of years for a back problem. I didn’t want to do anything because it caused pain. I wanted to be free of pain but even with the pain meds I couldn’t.
Then, almost 2 years ago I was involved in a horrific auto accident the result of which I am now diagnosed as an incomplete paraplegic. My pain level moved to an entire new level and I did even less.
One year after the accident, completely addicted to the pain medications (I took the addiction to places no one even wants to know!), I started wondering if the addiction was driving the pain so I quit the pain medications completely. I was in a living hell for 8 months. I couldn’t concentrate because of the pain and as a result could not work. I lost my business, my house, the dogs and my wife. I moved 2,000 miles away to stay with friends who could help me with some of the day to day things I could not do.
Long story short, I came to the realization that I would live with an incredible amount of pain for the rest of my life. It wasn’t going to get much better and waiting for it to do so was futile. I went back on the pain medication just a few weeks ago and my life changed overnight. The medications “took the edge off” so I was able to concentrate and am trying to rebuild my business. I’m taking steps to deal with the addiction part.
Most importantly, I changed my way of thinking. I no longer am waiting for the pain to get better – it won’t. I do things, even if they cause me pain because, well, that my lot in life. In short, I have accepted that pain is going to be part of my life and do my best not to let it interfere (as much as I can – I still spend a lot of time in bed or a recliner because of it). When I accepted that I was going to be in pain and that nothing was going to take that away, things changed. Mt entire attitude and outlook on life changed.
I can’t say how I did it – I don’t know. But I know that it changed my life!
Don’t get me wrong, I struggle every day with it. There are days I wake up and look forward to whatever the day brings, while there are other days I awake and wish the accident had taken me, but I still try to do everything I can do for that day.
My being here writing this is an example. I wouldn’t be here if my attitude hadn’t changed…Good luck. My only advise is that he has to change and there is little you can do for that except be supportive as best you can…
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